{"id":74895,"date":"2026-09-01T09:00:59","date_gmt":"2026-09-01T16:00:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/ideas\/?p=74895"},"modified":"2026-09-01T11:18:58","modified_gmt":"2026-09-01T18:18:58","slug":"funny-christmas-quotes-sayings-wishes-jokes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/ideas\/funny-christmas-quotes-sayings-wishes-jokes\/","title":{"rendered":"85+ Funny Christmas Quotes, Sayings, Wishes &#038; Jokes"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The holidays are a time for joy, laughter, and, let&#8217;s be honest, a little chaos. Whether you&#8217;re untangling lights, dodging awkward family questions, or trying to survive another year of fruitcake, a good laugh can go a long way. That&#8217;s why we&#8217;ve gathered some of the best funny Christmas quotes, sayings, jokes, puns, and card messages to bring a little extra humor to the season. Use them in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/t\/christmas-cards\/?theme=funny\">funny Christmas cards<\/a>, holiday texts, social media captions, or whenever you need a festive one-liner that gets a laugh.<\/p>\n<h2>Funny Christmas Quotes<\/h2>\n<p>The holiday season is full of chaos, cookies, and awkward family moments\u2014so why not embrace it with a little humor? These <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/ideas\/christmas-quotes\/\">Christmas quotes<\/a> capture the funny, festive side of the season and are sure to make you smile:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cMaybe Christmas doesn\u2019t come from a store. Maybe Christmas\u2026 perhaps\u2026 means a little bit more!\u201d \u2014 Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas<\/li>\n<li>\u201cThe best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.\u201d \u2014 Buddy the Elf, Elf<\/li>\n<li>\u201cKeep the change, ya filthy animal.\u201d \u2014 Kevin McCallister, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York<\/li>\n<li>\u201cAren\u2019t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.\u201d \u2014 Bart Simpson<\/li>\n<li>\u201cI\u2019ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.\u201d \u2014 Maya Angelou<\/li>\n<li>\u201cI stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.\u201d \u2014 Shirley Temple<\/li>\n<li>\u201cThe worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.\u201d \u2014 Johnny Carson<\/li>\n<li>\u201cSending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they\u2019re worth the price of a stamp.\u201d \u2014 Melanie White<\/li>\n<li>\u201cWe elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.\u201d \u2014 Buddy the Elf, Elf<\/li>\n<li>\u201cThank you, Stockings, for being a long flammable piece of fabric people like to hang over a roaring fireplace.\u201d \u2014 Jimmy Fallon<\/li>\n<li>\u201cThere are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.\u201d \u2014 Bob Phillips<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0\u201cSanta Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.\u201d \u2014 Victor Borge<\/li>\n<li>\u201cChristmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.\u201d \u2014 Andy Borowitz<\/li>\n<li>\u201cNothing\u2019s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.\u201d \u2014 Kin Hubbard<\/li>\n<li>\u201cMail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.\u201d \u2014 Johnny Carson<\/li>\n<li>\u201cI hate the radio this time of year because they play \u2018All I Want For Christmas Is You\u2019 like, every other song. And that\u2019s just not enough.\u201d \u2014 Bridger Winegar<\/li>\n<li>\u201cIt\u2019s that special time of year when your whole family gathers together in one place to look at their cellphones.\u201d \u2014 Jimmy Kimmel<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can&#8217;t wait to exchange.&#8221; \u2014 Henny Youngman<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;What I don&#8217;t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.&#8221; \u2014 Phyllis Diller<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;It&#8217;s always consoling to know that today&#8217;s Christmas gifts are tomorrow&#8217;s garage sales.&#8221; \u2014 Milton Berle<\/li>\n<li>\u201cI don\u2019t know what to say, except it\u2019s Christmas, and we\u2019re all in Misery\u201d \u2014 Ellen Griswold, The Griswolds<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.&#8221; \u2014 George Carlin<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes in our own way, by going to the mall of our choice.&#8221; \u2014 Dave Barry<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.&#8221; \u2014 Bob Phillips<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, &#8216;Toys not included.'&#8221; \u2014 Bernard Manning<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven&#8217;t seen for 20 minutes.&#8221; \u2014 Julius Sharpe<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I thought it would be funny to stuff my kids&#8217; Christmas stockings with actual stockings.&#8221; \u2014 Conan O&#8217;Brien<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Christmas: the one time of year when you can&#8217;t avoid the nuts in your family muesli.&#8221; \u2014 Charles Stross<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.&#8221; \u2014 Jerry Seinfeld<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;That&#8217;s the true spirit of Christmas: people being helped by people other than me.&#8221; \u2014 Jerry Seinfeld<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.&#8221; \u2014 Larry Wilde<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;The ideal Christmas gift is money, but the trouble is you can&#8217;t charge it.&#8221; \u2014 Bill Vaughan<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/p\/cards-stationery\/holiday-cards\/most-likely-to-holiday-card\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-73490 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/most-likely-to-christmas-card.jpg\" alt=\"most likely to christmas card\" width=\"500\" height=\"500\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/most-likely-to-christmas-card.jpg 500w, https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/most-likely-to-christmas-card-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/most-likely-to-christmas-card-396x395.jpg 396w, https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/most-likely-to-christmas-card-170x170.jpg 170w, https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/most-likely-to-christmas-card-85x85.jpg 85w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www3.shutterfly.com\/p\/cards-stationery\/holiday-cards\/most-likely-to-holiday-card\">Shop Most Likely To Holiday Card<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<h2>Funny Christmas Sayings and Puns<\/h2>\n<p>These funny Christmas sayings are perfect for cards, captions, or just making someone smile. They\u2019re short, snappy, and full of festive sass.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Sleigh my name, sleigh my name.<\/li>\n<li>Resting Grinch face in full effect.<\/li>\n<li>Jingle all the way\u2026 to the wine.<\/li>\n<li>Dear Santa, I can explain.<\/li>\n<li>It\u2019s the most chaotic time of the year.<\/li>\n<li>All I want for Christmas is a nap.<\/li>\n<li>I\u2019m only a morning person on December 25th.<\/li>\n<li>Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-fail.<\/li>\n<li>Don\u2019t get your tinsel in a tangle.<\/li>\n<li>Single and ready to jingle.<\/li>\n<li>I put the \u2018ho\u2019 in holiday.<\/li>\n<li>Santa saw your Instagram. You\u2019re getting a dictionary.<\/li>\n<li>I\u2019m dreaming of a white Christmas\u2026 but if the white runs out, I\u2019ll drink the red.<\/li>\n<li>Let\u2019s be naughty and save Santa the trip.<\/li>\n<li>I ate all the cookies. Sorry, not sorry.<\/li>\n<li>Tree\u2019s up. Sanity\u2019s down.<\/li>\n<li>My holiday spirit is wine.<\/li>\n<li>I\u2019m on the nice-ish list.<\/li>\n<li>&#8216;Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring\u2026 except me, wrapping gifts at 2 a.m.<\/li>\n<li>Yule be sorry if you don\u2019t eat these cookies.<\/li>\n<li>I\u2019m only a morning person on December 25th.<\/li>\n<li>Keep calm and jingle on.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www3.shutterfly.com\/p\/cards-stationery\/holiday-cards\/dear-santa-magic-christmas-card\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-73492 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/dear-santa.jpg\" alt=\"dear santa christmas card\" width=\"500\" height=\"500\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/dear-santa.jpg 500w, https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/dear-santa-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/dear-santa-396x395.jpg 396w, https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/dear-santa-170x170.jpg 170w, https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/dear-santa-85x85.jpg 85w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/p\/cards-stationery\/holiday-cards\/dear-santa-magic-christmas-card\"><em>Shop Dear Santa Magic Christmas Card<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n<h2>Funny Christmas Jokes<\/h2>\n<p>Not every holiday moment needs to be picture-perfect\u2014sometimes, the best memories come from the mess and the mischief. These Christmas jokes are short, silly, and perfect for adding a little levity to your season.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?<\/strong><br \/>\nHe was picking his nose.<\/li>\n<li><strong>What do you call an elf who sings?<\/strong><br \/>\nA wrapper.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Why doesn\u2019t Santa use social media?<\/strong><br \/>\nHe\u2019s already following everyone.<\/li>\n<li><strong>What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad?<\/strong><br \/>\nA pineapple.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Why did the ornament go to school?<\/strong><br \/>\nIt wanted to be a little brighter.<\/li>\n<li><strong>What do you call a kid who doesn\u2019t believe in Santa?<\/strong><br \/>\nA rebel without a Claus.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Why did Santa go to therapy?<\/strong><br \/>\nHe had low elf-esteem.<\/li>\n<li><strong>What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?<\/strong><br \/>\nTinselitis.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Why was the turkey at the Christmas party so proud?<\/strong><br \/>\nIt was stuffed.<\/li>\n<li><strong>What\u2019s Santa\u2019s favorite type of music?<\/strong><br \/>\nWrap.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www3.shutterfly.com\/p\/cards-stationery\/holiday-cards\/merry-era-christmas-card\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-73491 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/merry-era.jpg\" alt=\"merry era christmas card\" width=\"500\" height=\"500\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/merry-era.jpg 500w, https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/merry-era-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/merry-era-396x395.jpg 396w, https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/merry-era-170x170.jpg 170w, https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/merry-era-85x85.jpg 85w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www3.shutterfly.com\/p\/cards-stationery\/holiday-cards\/merry-era-christmas-card\">Shop Merry Era Christmas Card<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<h2>Funny Christmas Card Wishes &amp; Messages<\/h2>\n<p>Need something funny but still warm to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/ideas\/christmas-card-wording\/\">write in a Christmas card<\/a> or text? Here\u2019s a list of funny Christmas wishes for friends, family, coworkers, or anyone who could use a laugh this holiday season:<\/p>\n<h3>For Friends<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>Merry Christmas! Thanks for always being there for me, especially when holiday shopping becomes a last-minute emergency.<\/li>\n<li>Wishing you a Christmas filled with good food, great memories, and absolutely no group gift exchanges.<\/li>\n<li>Here&#8217;s to another holiday season of eating too many cookies and calling it a tradition.<\/li>\n<li>Merry Christmas to a friend who&#8217;s been on my nice list all year. Mostly.<\/li>\n<li>Hope your holidays are as fun as our plans and a lot less chaotic.<\/li>\n<li>Wishing you a Christmas full of laughter, strong drinks, and stories that probably shouldn&#8217;t be repeated next year.<\/li>\n<li>May your gifts be thoughtful, your cookies be homemade, and your holiday photos require fewer than 50 attempts.<\/li>\n<li>Merry Christmas! Let&#8217;s make enough memories this season to embarrass each other well into next year.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>For Family<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>Merry Christmas from one of your favorite family members. I&#8217;ll let you decide which one.<\/li>\n<li>Wishing our family a holiday filled with laughter, good food, and only minor disagreements over board games.<\/li>\n<li>May your Christmas be merry, bright, and completely free of conversations about when we&#8217;re all getting together again.<\/li>\n<li>Sending love, holiday cheer, and my sincerest appreciation to whoever is hosting this year.<\/li>\n<li>Merry Christmas! May the desserts be plentiful and the family drama wait until January.<\/li>\n<li>Wishing you a holiday filled with traditions, memories, and stories that get more exaggerated every year.<\/li>\n<li>Hope your Christmas is less tangled than the lights and less stressful than the shopping.<\/li>\n<li>Merry Christmas to the people who know all my flaws and still save me a seat at the table.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>For Coworkers<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>Wishing you a Merry Christmas and an out-of-office message that gets plenty of use.<\/li>\n<li>May your holidays be relaxing, your inbox be quiet, and your return to work be someone else&#8217;s problem for a few more days.<\/li>\n<li>Merry Christmas! Here&#8217;s hoping all urgent requests magically become January tasks.<\/li>\n<li>Wishing you a holiday season free from meetings, deadlines, and the phrase &#8220;quick question.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>May your Christmas be filled with good company, good food, and absolutely no spreadsheets.<\/li>\n<li>Merry Christmas to a coworker who makes even the busiest days a little easier to survive.<\/li>\n<li>Wishing you a well-deserved holiday break and a calendar that&#8217;s suspiciously empty when you return.<\/li>\n<li>May your coffee stay hot, your vacation feel long, and your first day back go surprisingly smoothly.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>Related Resources to Funny Christmas Quotes<\/h2>\n<p>The holiday season comes with plenty of memorable moments, from family gatherings and gift exchanges to cookie swaps and Christmas card writing. Adding a funny Christmas quote, saying, joke, or pun can make those moments even more enjoyable and help bring a smile to friends, family, and everyone on your holiday mailing list.<\/p>\n<p>Whether you&#8217;re looking for the perfect Christmas card message, a clever social media caption, or a festive one-liner to share at a holiday party, a little humor can make the season feel even brighter. Use these funny Christmas quotes to spread laughter, share some holiday cheer, and make this Christmas one to remember.<\/p>\n<p>Additional Resources:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/ideas\/funny-christmas-card-ideas-to-spread-holiday-cheer\/\">Funny Christmas Card Ideas<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/ideas\/christmas-captions\/\">Christmas Captions<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/ideas\/how-to-sign-a-christmas-card\/\">How to Sign a Christmas Card<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/ideas\/how-to-address-christmas-cards\/\">How to Address Christmas Cards<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/ideas\/when-to-send-out-christmas-cards\/\">When to Send Christmas Cards<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/ideas\/holiday-and-christmas-thank-you-messages\/\">Christmas Thank You Messages<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/ideas\/best-christmas-gift-ideas-for-everyone-on-your-list\/\">Best Christmas Gift Ideas for Everyone on Your List<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/ideas\/christmas-card-sayings\/\">Christmas Card Sayings<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Shop:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/t\/christmas-cards\/\">Christmas Cards<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/t\/holiday-cards\/\">Holiday Cards<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/t\/new-years-cards\/\">New Year\u2019s Cards<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/t\/ornaments\/\">Photo Christmas Ornaments<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/calendars\/\">Photo Calendars<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/personalized-gifts\/\">Personalized Gifts<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/t\/canvas-prints\/\">Canvas Prints<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Get into the holiday spirit with funny Christmas quotes, sayings, and wishes that will make your friends and family laugh out loud.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":73500,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[96,440,3715],"tags":[3327,3212,3215,3416],"class_list":["post-74895","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-christmas","category-holiday","category-seasonal","tag-christmas-card-messages","tag-christmas-cards","tag-christmas-greetings","tag-quotes","entry"],"acf":[],"featured_image_src":"https:\/\/ideas.shutterfly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/funny-christmas-cards-featured.jpg","author_info":{"display_name":"Shutterfly Community","author_link":"https:\/\/www.shutterfly.com\/ideas\/author\/shutterfly\/"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v28.4 (Yoast SEO v28.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>85+ Funny Christmas Quotes, Sayings, Wishes &amp; 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